sound of pulling heaven down
by Briwookie
Summary: Kenny McCormick never knew what love was. As far as he knew, lust was the only thing he could count on. But forming romantic feelings for your best friend never ends up well, especially when they're in love with somebody else. Kenny/Cartman. Oneshot. Completed.


Kenny McCormick was a passionate sinner.

From the moment he could open his eyes, he indulged in this. Likewise, from the first time he felt his hand wrap around his dick, throbbing with only the simplest of glances towards another, he encouraged it. Lust came easily to him. He was a boy of primitive advances, and everyone he knew was aware of this. Girls came in flocks, and the men? Just the same. He couldn't say he enjoyed the attention, naked women tipsy from bonfire parties, drenched in sweat and aching to be satisfied. Submissive men, dominant men, needing to be pleasured. Kenny welcomed all of the lonely souls, cherished their demonic pursuits.

But nothing compared to how he would feel when it would all be over. The cold, sickening feeling of emptiness with no reward. He felt it every night, remember it in the morning, and wonder how long he could keep himself up without puking at the memory. Until his body didn't cry for a resolution, he would remain the same.

He realized that his resolution would come in the form of his best friend.

Eric Cartman was not much better.

He was just fucked up as he was, but he didn't consider the fatter boy to be as sexually dependent. Hell, Kenny wasn't sure if Eric had sex before. They would hardly ever talk about it, it'd be weird if they started getting sentimental of all things. Kenny couldn't consider the possibility of being emotional with another person, but the idea of being that way with Eric Cartman was so far beyond him, it would be impossible. They were their own continents, so far apart but still damaged from the rage of the waves, beating against the ocean. If Kenny even spoke of the swirling thoughts inside his head, he would drown; Eric's tides would be too strong.

He couldn't recall when he felt differently about him. It had started as a blur, and he questioned if it was lust that ran deeper than simple exchanges from other teenagers he had barely spoken to. Eric was attractive, and coincidentally his type – bulky, tall, and he definitely had a thing for brunettes. Brunettes with deep voices and shoulders that could help kill a man, or more than one…well Kenny was hooked since puberty hit the both of them.

The months would drag, slowly as Kenny would be eyeing him from across the room, licking his lips and praying the other boy wouldn't notice. Then, there were things that Kenny caught on that he wouldn't care about otherwise. Eric liked biting the inside of his cheek and causing there to be an indent, typically when he was concentrating. He ruffled his hair when he was stressed, and he loved bringing his hands together. His right leg would overlap his left in deep conversation, and he narrowed his eyes almost all of the time. It was strange, how much time Kenny would put in, thinking of someone that shouldn't shadow his every thought, and yet it did. Kenny learned that this was what it was.

Kenny acknowledged he had an attraction towards Eric Cartman.

Luckily, at the beginning for their high school years, Kenny had the pleasure of knowing that Eric was bisexual. Considering that Kenny's sexuality was built nearly the same, the blonde was happy. It meant that he was a possibility, even through lust-colored glasses. However, that didn't mean he wanted to sacrifice their friendship, so Kenny watched the rise and fall of relationships that Eric went through. There were a few girls, but they didn't last long. Eric was, after all, an intimate person, and sometimes the strength of intimacy can scare anyone. Kenny wasn't afraid of that power, but he also wouldn't act on it. He knew better than to act on something fruitless.

Eric and Kyle's relationship grew during that time as well, and that was enough for Kenny to know Eric was into guys. There was obvious interest, even though Kenny wasn't sure if it was mutual, but he could see it well enough. Eric wouldn't stop talking about him and the look in his eyes was beyond obvious. It was a pining that Eric hated himself for carrying, but Kenny wanted to hate it more, even though Kyle had his own interests in others. If Kyle were to like Eric, it would be far beyond now, when they could still barely look at one another without getting into an argument. Kenny liked to believe he was more compatible with Eric, he knew what the other wanted and he'd do anything to help him with that.

He was determined to prove it, to prove that he could be exactly what Eric needed.

One weekend in the middle of January, Kenny got his chance. He splashed water on his face and looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, bags underneath his eyes. He reminded himself it would be a good idea to attempt to sleep once in a while, but sleep didn't come close to how he felt when he fantasized about a pair of warm hands around his neck. He smirked, wiping his face with a towel before throwing it onto the sink. Karen was outside of the bathroom when Kenny left, and he sent his sister a smile, before ruffling her hair. He wanted the best for her, but in this shitty mountain town that didn't care for any of his family, there was hardly anything he could do. Karen grinned, looking up at him. She was starting to become so pretty, he thought.

"Where are you going?"

"Cartman's." Kenny said, going into his bedroom and setting up a bag. "I'll probably be staying over."

He hoped that he would, anyways. After the night he had planned, he couldn't imagine coming back home. Karen giggled from outside of the room, and as Kenny finished packing, he managed to plant a kiss on her cheek.

"No boys, got it?"

"Only if the same applies to you." Karen replied, and Kenny paused, lifting an eyebrow.

"Smart little girl, except I'm older, so therefore, I can do whatever I want."

"Use protection," Karen called out, and Kenny left the house. The older sibling shook his head. He would need far more than that against the tsunami known as Eric Cartman.

The two boys lived very close to one another. Kenny would always walk over to Eric's when he'd get the chance, recalling afternoons where it'd be so cold he would run to feel heat. This was one of those days, except he would take his time to walk, dragging his eyes against the muddy asphalt. His heart drummed heavily against his chest, his lips felt chapped. This was no time for him to question his intent, he could only continue to move through the snow and sleek. He was almost there, almost prepared. The driveway appeared in the distance, and so did the boy's confidence. He swallowed, taking out his cellphone and dialing the number already on his screen. A few seconds later, Eric answered, grunting on the other end.

"Kenny?"

"Look out the window." Kenny said, smiling. He was now arriving, looking up as Eric separated the curtains in front of his bedroom window. The brunette looked like he was about to sleep, wearing a grey shirt and, what Kenny could make out of it, dark boxers. The heaviness of Kenny's heart thudded again at that observation. Liane's car was nowhere to be seen, and he knew he had chosen wisely.

Eric opened the window and leaned out, hanging up as he did. He grinned and shook his head.

"Kenny, what the fuck are you doing here, it's almost midnight, for fuck's sake!"

"I couldn't sleep, fatass." Kenny replied. "Are you going to let me in or is my ass going to freeze out here?"

"For calling me fat, you just might, you poor piece of shit." Eric laughed. "The door's unlocked."

Kenny watched Eric close the window and shut the curtains, and he headed inside. The smell of cinnamon and sugar filled the living room, familiar scents that allowed the blonde to believe Eric's mother left not too long ago. He walked into the kitchen and sure enough, double chocolate-chip.

"She probably learned to bake for her lovely boyfriends." Kenny whispered to himself as he pulled one out of the plastic container they were in. As soon as the chocolate melted in his mouth, he groaned and closed his eyes. Nothing like home cooking, or at least, better than what he was used to. He made his way to the staircase and went up, locking his eyes on the cracked door with the light shining through. Eric never could sleep with complete darkness. Then again, neither could he. It was warm inside Eric's room, as Kenny slowly went inside and noticed the brunette laying down on his bed with a tablet in hand.

"Oh, I see." Eric smirked. "You come here just to grub some of the goods."

"Not the best brownies I've ever had, but they come pretty damn close." Kenny replied, shedding off his orange jacket that still fit him just as well now than in middle school. "Although my favorite kind of treats have other treats inside of them."

"Fucking rabbit, always after that grass." Eric commented, standing up from the bed to turn another light on. He started his TV before sitting down with two controllers. Kenny eyed this and didn't comment. He would get what he wanted soon enough.

"I'm more in it for the brownies, but anything extra is always a plus."

Kenny looked towards the dresser and noticed a package of Menthol cigarettes. "Can I have one?"

"Yeah but you gotta give me one too." Eric said, giving out his hand. Kenny obliged, grabbing the box and the lighter.

He thought about lighting Eric's cigarette first while it was in his mouth, but while he felt the rush in his pelvic area, he declined the temptation, and the urge to provoke intimacy. He went ahead and lighted his own, watching the cherry come to life. He fumbled for the ash tray and watched Eric pick a game.

 _Call of Duty_ , nothing ever changed, the fucking noob.

"We always play this." Kenny groaned, inhaling and letting the cloud of smoke reign his senses. The taste of mint lingered on his tongue, and snickered. Eric always preferred girly brands.

"That's because it's the best game to play. You just suck at it every time we do team deathmatch."

"Team deathmatch is so lame. It's kids way younger than us that have nothing better to do just spouting random shit into their microphones and kicking our asses."

" _Your_ ass, Kenny. I'm the one always saving you because you don't know how to aim and then we lose points." Kenny became still at the idea of Eric being there for him, saving his skin, but he didn't much about it. It only aided the friction beneath his pants, completely recognizable, but to only him. The image of Eric slaughtering anyone for his own safety made him feel somewhat better.

"Then maybe somebody should give me some pointers?" Kenny whispered, not knowing if he was trying to convey something. Eric cocked his head, but said nothing as he selected the deathmatch option from the menu. The blonde gritted his teeth. The invitation he prompted failed, but he refused to falter. This would work, whether he would have to dig it into the ground.

Eric was silent for a few minutes as the screen loaded.

This was almost like a routine for the two of them, to sit on Eric's bed and play video games, smoking cigarettes. Kenny was content with silence, because subconsciously he was more introverted than the rest of his friends, fine with sticking to himself and only himself. But when he was with Eric, he knew he could open himself without talking, or even uttering a single sound. Eric could find it just from the looks in his eyes, the way his lips would tremble if the temperature changed. It was purely intentional for the time of them to hold conversations in their minds. Kenny knew he didn't need anyone else but Eric, to aid his worried mentalities. Eric was the bridge for him, the single attachment for everything he had ever known, and would come to know.

"The new game is going to come out soon." Eric mentioned as the two of them appeared in the split-screen. Kenny's hands clutched the controller like it was his life-line. "If you're going to be good when the newbies come in, we need you to get better, now."

"I mean, at least I can be better than some of the other players. I don't get zero kills in a twenty-minute span."

"That's not good enough." Eric said. Spoken as though he was a leader, Kenny marveled at the tone of his voice. So commanding, so rich. "We're going to work on your for a little while."

And so they did. Kenny let Eric give him pointers and tricks for some of the game's mechanics, even though the two of them play this game often and Kenny was already decent. However, there were spots in certain areas that Eric knew better than he did, and the way the guns fired made all the difference. Eric was instructive, domineering. Kenny was baffled at his friend's sense of patience with him, and Eric moved in closer.

"You're not going to want that gun, go ahead and get that other rifle down by the lake."

Kenny found himself interested when Eric told him to do something. It felt like Kenny wanted Eric to order him around often, and he wasn't sure if he enjoyed that possibility, or if it was just the attention Kenny liked.

"Like this?" Kenny asked, grabbing it and finding another player, who was scouting on a barrier in the distance. Eric's eyes widened and he smiled.

"Go ahead!" He encouraged, and Kenny shot him without the player even noticing him. The player dropped dead, and Eric raised his hands.

"Fuck yeah! Take that, you piece of shit." Eric patted Kenny on the back, and the feeling of skin to skin made the blonde shudder. He wished this wasn't one-sided, he wanted to show his own appreciation, more than with words and hands.

After the two played a couple more rounds, Eric got up from his bed and stretched. He flicked the dead cigarette he had in his mouth into the trash can before going to the door. "I'm going to use the restroom and get something to drink. Want anything?"

Nothing that I can say now. "I'm fine." Kenny replied. Eric rolled his eyes before leaving the bedroom. Kenny clicked on a single-player mode to do something before feeling a vibration near him. He turned his head and saw a black iPhone near the pillows. It was Eric's phone, with Kyle's name in bold as the address. Kenny bit down his lip, fighting against the urge to pick it up. He continued playing his game until he heard the phone go off with a notification beep.

A new voicemail.

Kenny paused the game and sighed. He hated being nosy, but it was just the kind of person he was. He hated feeling like Kyle could call him when it was convenient for him, on their night. So, he decided to be that person. He picked up the phone and called the voicemail, bringing it to his ear. It asked for a password, so Kenny typed in 0701. It had to have been his birthday, Eric never was the best at picking out those kinds of things. He listened as Kyle's voice went through the speaker after the beep.

 _"Hey, Cartman. I know that it's almost one in the morning, on the weekend. You're, uh, probably either sleeping or…doing something stupid, I don't know."_ There was a nervous laugh on the other end. It sounded like Kyle had been drinking. Kenny was shocked, he never pictured Kyle as the alcoholic type, but everyone falters now and then. This must have been one of those exceptions. _"Uh, I'm probably not going to remember anything I say past this…fuck, it's getting hot in here. Uh, Stan is at one of his parties with Wendy and he isn't available. I wanted to know if you could, call me back? Sorry it's so late, I'm just…look, can you just call me, please? If you get this and you aren't sleeping…just, call me."_

Kenny heard the boy's vulnerable begging and almost felt sorry. Drunken calls were never one of Kenny's strong suits, and he could tell Kyle needed some help. But then the insecure part of Kenny realized that Kyle didn't try to call him, before Stan and then Cartman. He looked at his own phone, and nothing. There were no text messages, no calls. Kenny was starting to get angry.

Eric walked through the door and noticed Kenny with the phone in his ears and he narrowed his eyes. Kenny could see the blue turn into a vision of potential rage. He dropped the phone and Eric grabbed it, looking down at Kyle's played voicemail.

"What the fuck did you do?" Eric asked. Kenny was expecting there to be rushed anger and impending violence with his words, but they came out cracked, almost like Eric was hiding something that he didn't want revealed. He could hardly remember a time where Eric said something so vulnerably.

"It was Kyle, but…"

"I _know_ that." Eric said, his eyes tightly shut. The brunette sat on the edge of the bed and looked like he was playing the message again. The two minutes repeated itself, and the look of concern on Eric's face grew. Once it was over, he took a deep breath and looked at the wall. Kenny brought his knees to his chest, not sure of what to say. His mouth grew dry.

More minutes passed before Eric got up from where he sat and pulled a red jacket off of a bedknob. He zipped himself up, and Kenny looked in confusion as Eric put on a pair of jeans.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to go see Kyle." Eric grabbed the box of cigarettes from the dresser and found his shoulder bag on his desk. He started packing some stuff and Kenny stood up, folding his arms over his chest.

"Wait, you're just going to his house? Why don't you just call him back?"

"Because he's obviously going through something and he needs me there." Eric glared at Kenny, getting frustrated. "You should know, you listened to _my_ voicemail."

"You know that I didn't want to make you angry. Honestly, I don't know why I did that." Kenny said, but Eric shook his head.

"No. You know _why_ you did that, but you're not going to tell me."

The brunette took another breath, before turning his back on Kenny and going out of his door. He turned his head back, not looking Kenny in the eye. "I'm not going to be coming back tonight, so you might want to leave."

With that, Eric was gone, and Kenny was broken.

* * *

It had been a couple of weeks since the incident and Kenny hadn't said a single word to either Eric or Kyle.

He barely showed up to school, only going a couple of days because he would be thrown out if he didn't. It was different since that night, Eric would barely look at him in the eye and even Stan, the only one Kenny knew he could trust completely, had been silent. He wondered if Eric told Kyle what had happened, right before he helped Kyle with his 'problem.' The idea of the two of them fucking made Kenny sick to his stomach, but it was inevitable. Eric cared for Kyle more than him, and he needed to register that. But it didn't make it harder for Kenny to see Eric and Kyle sitting so close to one another. Too close for comfort, he thought.

He pushed forward, eating his lunch alone. Today was another day he decided to go to school, but if he could have gone anywhere else, he'd be content. Butters spotted him from across the way and sent him a little smile. He liked Butters, and wished he could feel as positive as he did. He smiled back, before his eyes traveled back to Eric. His peanut-butter and banana sandwich didn't taste as good today. Regardless, he finished it, rolling the Ziploc-baggie into a ball and throwing it into the trash.

His last period was calculus, but he was horrible at math, as well as giving a shit about his grades. He made his way outside and decided to skip. He fumbled in his pocket for a cigarette, leaning against a brick wall near the back end of the school. There were no messages from Eric, not even a look from earlier. He closed his eyes and sighed, lighting the cigarette as he did so. He continued the process, putting the stick against his mouth just to take it out again, before he noticed somebody else walk towards him. The other boy wore a dark blue cap, and Kenny would recognize just from the scowl on his face.

"Tucker." Kenny said, and the black-haired boy smiled towards him.

"Kenny, what pleasant company." Craig responded, putting his own back against the wall. "Cigarette?"

"You don't have your own?" Kenny asked and Craig laughed.

"Jesus! Somebody's got something stuck up their ass."

Kenny grimaced and took out another cigarette. Craig took it and lit it, Kenny staring at him. There was a moment in time where Kenny thought he felt the same for Craig as he did for Eric, but it was only short-lived. Craig was very similar to him, they both liked pretty things and they'd do anything to get it. However, Craig as strictly for guys, and Kenny liked his variety.

"What's the matter with you, Kenny?" Craig asked, a large amount of smoke coming out of his nostrils. "You look practically dead." Kenny flashed him a questioning look and Craig shrugged. "Okay, you always look like shit, but you also look concerned and your pouty face is concerning _me_."

"None of your business." Kenny replied. "What are you doing here?"

"Same as you. Didn't want to go to class and, well, saw you standing out here. Better than nothing."

"But you skip more than I do." Kenny said. He felt his light going but he inhaled regardless, to get anything out of it.

"True, which means you're skipping to escape from something." Craig moved in closer. His eyes were searching Kenny's, looking. "I know something's going on. Just tell me."

Kenny looked up and sighed, feeling his emotions overwhelm him for the first time in what seemed like years. He bit down his lip, almost tasting blood.

"You get your heart broken?" Craig said, his voice low.

"Just shut up, Craig."

"That's it, isn't it? Who was it, Cartman?" Kenny flashed his eyes towards him and Craig smirked. "Oh my fucking God."

"You tell anyone, you're dead."

"I cannot fucking believe this." Craig chuckled lightly. "You're in love with the fucking monster."

"I don't love him." Kenny whispered, looking at the ground in an attempt to think of something to defend himself. "I don't know how to feel about him…and he's not a monster."

Craig looked at Kenny for a little bit, blinking slowly. Kenny wondered if Craig would continue to laugh in his face, but there was a stillness in him, that was different than how

Craig was before. Craig put a hand on Kenny's shoulder gently.

"If you really care about him, then he will understand, but he can't be the only one willing to compromise. You have to put your part in, remember that." Craig said, and Kenny

felt his throat run dry. He nodded slowly, before he took his cigarette to the ground and stomping the cherry out.

* * *

Another week had passed and Kenny continued to not hear a word from Eric.

Stubbornness was one of Eric's less attractive traits, but Kenny knew he could be just as bad at times. Eric would keep up the grudge, and Kenny thought he could as well, but it was starting to get hard on him. He walked away from his History class, heading to his locker. In a few weeks, March would come around, and then there would be spring break. Typically during this time, he would spend time with the other three boys, doing their same old shenanigans for an entire week. But now, he was seriously starting to wonder if they would do that this year. It seemed unlikely.

Kenny put some of his papers from his backpack into the locker and fastened it, before feeling somebody's hand on his shoulder. He jumped slightly before recognizing the voice as it spoke from behind him.

"We need to talk."

Eric's voice was slow and Kenny could hear the need. He was just as surprised to find that hand not letting go. He turned slowly, his eyes focusing on the contrasting shade of blue. It was different the powerful look Eric gave him on that night, before he left.

"Talk about what?" Kenny whispered, and Eric stepped back, licking his lips.

"You know what, and it's been a little over a month now."

"Where do you want to go?" Kenny asked, and Eric didn't do anything at first. A light went off in his eyes and he took Kenny by the arm.

"Follow me, we're skipping class."

Kenny didn't hesitate, jogging with Eric through the halls. They eventually ended up in the boy's bathroom, and Eric took Kenny to the largest stall, closing the door behind him. Kenny scrunched his nose at the smell but didn't want to pass this up. He couldn't afford to, not for their sake.

"Nice choice of location, fatass."

"You got some place better that nobody should come in?" Eric asked, and as Kenny opened his mouth, he quickly said, "Don't answer that."

"Well? What did you bring me here for?" Kenny asked. Eric sighed, running a hand down his face.

"What happened that night…I overreacted." Kenny could see how Eric was finding it difficult for words to come. He wondered if this was the way he talked to Kyle that night, but he stopped himself.

"We both did." Kenny sighed. "I shouldn't have…listened to Kyle's voicemail."

"Why did you even feel the need to do that? What Kyle wants is nothing of concern to you."

"And it's concern to you?" Kenny asked. "Why would Kyle call you and not me?"

Eric looked to the side and didn't say anything. Kenny felt this conversation falling further into the ground.

"It sounds like you're jealous." Eric said. "Are you jealous of _me_?"

Kenny was surprised those words even left the fatter boy's lips. Jealous of him? He wanted to laugh, to rejoice in the miscommunication. When Eric found his look of shock, he scoffed.

"Seriously?"

"No, no, I'm not…jealous of you." Kenny smiled lightly. "If anything, it's actually the opposite."

Eric didn't say anything but squinted his eyes. "You think I'm jealous of you?"

"No! Jesus Christ." Kenny yelled. "I was jealous of Kyle, fatass!"

Eric's eyes widened, before he looked even more confused.

"…why?"

"Because, isn't it obvious that you…like him?" Kenny asked, and Eric stepped back.

"Wait, what? Me, like Kyle? Dude, Kyle has just been having it rough and he needed someone to talk to."

Eric rubbed the back of his neck as he said this, and Kenny felt a huge weight fall off his shoulders. "I mean, there was a time I thought Kyle and I could be something but that's in the past. It has nothing to do with how I feel now."

Kenny stepped forward, interested. "How you feel now?"

"Just…you should know how I feel without me saying it! Damn." Eric yelled, running his hands through his hair. Kenny always did like it ruffled.

"Well," Kenny said, as he placed his hands on Eric's collar of his shirt. "I think you may like me. Just a little?"  
Eric sighed, smirking down at the blonde. "You may be thinking correctly, you poor boy."

"I am poor." Kenny whispered as he tugged at the shirt. "But I know something that help me becoming the richest boy in the world."

"What's that?" Eric asked, before Kenny pulled the collar, bringing Eric's lips to his own. He pressed his lips harder, biting Eric's lower and and feeling the other boy melt into his touch. He felt Eric press his tongue against his mouth and groaned, letting Eric in.

"Your sweet, fat ass." Kenny laughed. Eric chuckled and rolled his eyes.

"Sometimes, I really _do_ hate you, Kenny."


End file.
